omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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