uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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