3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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