i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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