We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
