im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My bed smells like the plague
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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