Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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