I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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