I wish my penis had an off switch
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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