when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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