this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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