I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
