i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
