do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
