she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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