I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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