we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
