I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
