My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
