After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
