i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
