We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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