i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
