Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
