does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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