i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
