I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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