dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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