My hair reeks of homosexuality.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
