If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
