dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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