my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
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