he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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