do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
