I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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