FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
