i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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