I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
