I think my fart just growled at me.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
