Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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