My first STD was from a foam party
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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