Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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