As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
