Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
