I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
