So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
