i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
