Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
