respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
