Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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