He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
