Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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