eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
