don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
