it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
