So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
