the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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