My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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