i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
