Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
