I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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