I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
