you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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