Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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