so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize