WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
