I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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