How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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