i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
