woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
