there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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