I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
