We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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