So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
