You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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