I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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