I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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